Hopefully not, but apparently some of our 'customers', and I use the term loosely, would!
My BIGGEST PET PEEVE is opening products in the store. Listen up, people. "YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO DO THAT!!"
Why not? When a customer sees a product on the shelf that has been opened, they either won't buy it, or they will ask for a discount because it's been opened.
Company policy is that we have to mark down by 10% any product that has been opened.
It's more work for us, less profit for the store.
So...now that you know all this...Why the Hell do you complain every fucking time that I say, "Please don't open products in the store." Are you not able to comprehend that we can't sell it as new if it's been opened? Oh...wait...I get it..."YOU DON'T GIVE A SHIT!!"
WELL, GUESS WHAT ASSHOLE, I DON'T GIVE A SHIT THAT 'YOU DON'T KNOW IF YOU WANT TO BUY IT IF YOU CAN'T OPEN THE BOX'!!!
DON'T OPEN IT, MUTHAFUCKER!!
I'LL BUST A CAP IN YOUR ASS!
I'LL SET YOUR HOUSE ON FIRE!
I'LL BARBECUE YOUR DAMN DOG!
I'LL STEAL YOUR IDENTITY AND ORDER EVERY MAGAZINE IN EXISTENCE TO BE DELIVERED TO YOUR HOUSE!
I'LL HACK THE SCHOOL YOUR DAUGHTER ATTENDS AND CHANGE ALL HER GRADES TO FAIL SO SHE NEVER GETS INTO COLLEGE!
I'LL HACK THE POLICE DEPARTMENT CIC COMPUTER AND MAKE SURE THEY ARREST YOUR SON!
I'LL SPAM EVERY EMAIL ADDRESS THERE IS WITH A MILLION EMAILS A DAY AND INCLUDE YOUR EMAIL ADDRESS AS THE SOURCE!
I'LL KIDNAP YOU, STRIP YOU NAKED, TAKE A WIRE BRUSH TO YOUR ASSHOLE, POUR KEROSENE ON IT, AND SET IT ON FIRE!
GET THE IDEA, YOU SHIT-FOR-BRAINS, KNOW-IT-ALL, SELF-IMPORTANT, LOW-LIFE, TRAILER PARK TRASH, ASSHOLE???
Thanks for shopping with us today, come back soon!
