Can Opener

Would you go into the grocery store with a can opener and start opening cans to see what the contents tastes like?

Hopefully not, but apparently some of our 'customers', and I use the term loosely, would!

My BIGGEST PET PEEVE is opening products in the store. Listen up, people. "YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO DO THAT!!"

Why not? When a customer sees a product on the shelf that has been opened, they either won't buy it, or they will ask for a discount because it's been opened.

Company policy is that we have to mark down by 10% any product that has been opened.

It's more work for us, less profit for the store.

So...now that you know all this...Why the Hell do you complain every fucking time that I say, "Please don't open products in the store." Are you not able to comprehend that we can't sell it as new if it's been opened? Oh...wait...I get it..."YOU DON'T GIVE A SHIT!!"

WELL, GUESS WHAT ASSHOLE, I DON'T GIVE A SHIT THAT 'YOU DON'T KNOW IF YOU WANT TO BUY IT IF YOU CAN'T OPEN THE BOX'!!!

DON'T OPEN IT, MUTHAFUCKER!!

I'LL BUST A CAP IN YOUR ASS!

I'LL SET YOUR HOUSE ON FIRE!

I'LL BARBECUE YOUR DAMN DOG!

I'LL STEAL YOUR IDENTITY AND ORDER EVERY MAGAZINE IN EXISTENCE TO BE DELIVERED TO YOUR HOUSE!

I'LL HACK THE SCHOOL YOUR DAUGHTER ATTENDS AND CHANGE ALL HER GRADES TO FAIL SO SHE NEVER GETS INTO COLLEGE!

I'LL HACK THE POLICE DEPARTMENT CIC COMPUTER AND MAKE SURE THEY ARREST YOUR SON!

I'LL SPAM EVERY EMAIL ADDRESS THERE IS WITH A MILLION EMAILS A DAY AND INCLUDE YOUR EMAIL ADDRESS AS THE SOURCE!

I'LL KIDNAP YOU, STRIP YOU NAKED, TAKE A WIRE BRUSH TO YOUR ASSHOLE, POUR KEROSENE ON IT, AND SET IT ON FIRE!

GET THE IDEA, YOU SHIT-FOR-BRAINS, KNOW-IT-ALL, SELF-IMPORTANT, LOW-LIFE, TRAILER PARK TRASH, ASSHOLE???

Thanks for shopping with us today, come back soon!

HDMI to F-connector

That's right, you read the title correctly. I had an idiot today who asked if we had a cable or adapter that would go from HDMI to RG-6 with an F-connector so he could run the video from his computer to a TV set.

"THAT WON'T WORK, DUMBASS!!! YOU'RE TRYING TO GO FROM A DIGITAL HIGH-DEFINITION AUDIO/VIDEO OUTPUT TO A RADIO FREQUENCY INPUT!!!"

"YOU'RE THE REASON I'VE STARTED DRINKING AGAIN!!!"

Daddy...no!

This has never happened before, and I bet it never happens again.

Mom, Dad, 23 y/o daughter come in looking for a computer.

Dad thinks he's a computer whiz, is looking to buy the very best in the store for his sweet daughter.

Daughter knows enough to know that she doesn't need as powerful and expensive a computer as Dad is looking at.

They're wanting to spend $1100 on the tower, $250 on a 23" LED monitor, poor daughter keeps telling them she doesn't need that much computer. She's a journalism major with a theater minor, and she's right, a middle-of-the-road computer will be just fine for her.

I pull daughter aside and ask her what she would get if it were up to her. She indicates exactly what I thought, middle-of-the-road computer, 20" lcd monitor.

Fortunately for the store, Dad prevails, and they get the >$1500 desktop package.

Fast forward to the next day.

Dad comes in, finds me, says, "I need another computer, I tried to uninstall something and didn't know what I was doing. They're going to exchange it for me."

I successfully keep myself from laughing, and get him his new tower.

Hope daughter can get some work done, she's gonna have a time avoiding Daddy!