Let's pretend that you're that rare breed of customer who follows Lo-fat's Guide to Smart Computer Shopping. You're polite, turn your cell phone off when you come in, etc. But...
We're out of the computer you want, but we order it for you to pick up in the store about a week later. Cool, no prob-lem-o.
YESSSSSSSSSSS, PROB-LEM-O GRANDE!! They ship your computer to the store in Bum-Fuck Egypt, and all attempts to get it back are failing. Customer service acknowledges that your computer is in Egypt, but you hit the brick wall after that.
What do you do? This is the time to use the 4 steps to getting the company off it's ass and moving toward a resolution to your issue.
Step 1.
Executive Customer Service - How to get routed to a high-ranking exec's secretary who will pass you off to the secret elite customer service squadron. They can solve any and all problems, lest you persist in escalating and interrupt some corporate asshole's golf game or steak dinner.
Most all large companies have some sort of executive customer service staff, made up of individuals who have the power to cut through all sorts of red tape. The key is knowing how to access these wonderful people who can make things right when everything else has gone wrong.
* For public companies, put the stock ticker symbol in Google Finance and pull up the profile page. The corporate office should be listed under Company Facts.
* Call the corporate office.
* Ask for a transfer to the office of the CEO.
* You will likely get an exec. assistant but that's good. Voice mail is ok, too.
* Give a succinct summary, including identifying details like order numbers and confirmation numbers.
* Remain nice. By all means, retain your cool. We don't give a shit about helping assholes that scream and shout and threaten to sue.
Within a day, you should get the phone call equivalent to the holy grail--a call back by someone on the executive service team.
If Step 1 doesn't work, proceed to...
Setp 2.
EECB (Executive Email Carpet Bomb) - Sending an email blast to as many high-ranking execs as you can. The trick is figuring out the corporate email address format and combining it with publicly posted lists of company execs.
1. Exhaust normal channels
Have you called customer service? Asked for a supervisor? Hung up and tried again? Give regular customer service a chance to fix the problem before you go nuclear.
2. Write a really good complaint letter.
Be clear, concise, polite, and professional. State exactly what you want. See this post, for complaint letter writing tips. Pitch your issue in a way that affects their bottom line. Spellcheck and include contact information.
3. Determine the corporate email address format.
Look through their website or Google for press releases. Examine the PR flack's email address. What's the format? Is it firstname.lastname@company.com? FirstletteroffirstnameLastname@companyname.com? Figure it out and write it down.
4. Compile a list of the company's top executives
This is often available on the company website, under sections like "corporate officers" or "corporate governance." You can also look the company up on Google Finance and look under management, although this list tends to only be partial.
5. Combine the names from step 4 with the format from step 3 to create an email list
6. Send your complaint to the list from step 5.
7. Sit back and wait.
If Step 2 doesn't work, proceed to...
Step 3.
Small Claims Court - For just a few hours work and under $50, you can get a judge to make a company give you what you're owed.
Small claims or conciliation court provides a way for individuals to settle their differences with the help of a neutral referee or judge.
Some tips to help you win your case in conciliation court.
The price of admission is generally low, between $50 and $100 most places. The plaintiff (the person who starts the case) files a short statement of the claim, pays the filing fee, and serves the defendant either by mail or by using the sheriff or other third party for personal service.
Conciliation court is a great place for consumers to get some justice. Before bringing your claim, however, you will want to check with your state's conciliation court to make sure you can actually bring your case. Generally, the defendant you intend to sue must have some personal or business presence in the state. Also, the amount of money you are seeking will probably have to fall beneath a certain amount. In Minnesota, for example, the total amount of the claim must be below $7,500.
You can probably find the complaint forms and other information on your state's or county's website. Fill them out carefully and completely, and bring them to court to file.
Here are a few more tips for your day in court:
* Spend a bit of time watching the daytime court shows. Seriously. Other than the judge's sass, they're not too different from conciliation court. Notice what the litigants do wrong.
* Bring all your exhibits and witnesses with you to court. Make an extra copy of documents, and keep them organized.
* Focus on the logical reason you should win. So often I see people want to tell their story. (A) There isn't time, and (B) it's irrelevant. Stick to the facts and why they matter.
* Always show respect for the judge or referee. They are the ones who decide whether you win or lose. The no-fail method of address is "your honor."
Conciliation court is a great way for consumers to get some justice in the courts. Build your case carefully and present it as professionally as you can, and good luck on your day in court!
Suing a company in small claims court is fun and easy and oftentimes the company won't even try to fight back. One thing you want to make sure to remember though is to look up the company's "registered agent" in the state where you are filing. If you don't serve this person with notice of the case, it could result in a dismissal.
To find a company's registered agent (RA), you can call up your secretary of state's office, and or you can find the information online. It only costs a small fee to have the sheriff's office deliver the notice and then you're well on your way to fighting back with gusto. Also, you should also check with the RA before sending the sheriff over to make sure that the RA you found in the database is still the current RA.
If Step 3 doesn't work, proceed with...
Step 4.
Chargeback - Pay with a credit card and if you don't end up getting the goods or services you ordered, you can reverse the charge and not have to pay for it.
A chargeback is when the credit card company withdraws the money for a transaction from a merchant's account and deposited in a consumer's following a dispute.
Basically, you do a chargeback when you feel like you're not getting what you paid for, in terms of the quality or type of good or service.
To start a chargeback, contact your credit card company and ask. A dispute process begins and the merchant will have to provide proof they rendered service properly. If the merchant can't provide sufficient evidence, the credit card company debits the transaction amount from the merchant's account and credits it to your account.
Additionally, the credit card company charges the merchant a chargeback fee.
Use chargebacks as a last resort and never before making several attempts to resolve an issue directly with a merchant. The last step before doing a chargeback is to threaten to use one. Sometimes that's enough to change an asshole's mind and let them know you're serious.
I'm not going to screw you over unless you act like an asshole, but if I do, this is golden information to use against the company. ;-)
